These last weeks have been so busy....... maybe these last years actually.... and it's always good stuff. Friends,Family, Ministry.... good and important stuff, but discernment is necessary!!! What is important, what is possible, which impossible should I conquer, which one should I let go and let God??? It is difficult to have a realistic view while you are inside of the challenge, because maybe, just maybe, the challenge is in you.... hahaha, maybe the challenge is you!   Don't worry, I just speak about myself here, this has nothing to do with you!!! or maybe it does? Right now We have a lot to celebrate, Our oldest son just got married and we are in Dominican Republic, seeing many friends and in the next weeks also supporting our youngest house of prayer in the south of the island.... we intentionally didn't overload these weeks with a bunch of stuff, after all we just finished a ministry tour  in Europe, USA and Canada and soon will start again here on the islands..... So I thought I'd take a few days to consider my ways, pray and fast and listen into the coming season....play with my little ones in the water and so on.....but then. I got an infection on the back of my neck.... had to get an operation where the surgeon didn't wait for the anestetics to kick in..... blood sweat and tears.... anyhow, so now I have to take antibiotics... so no fasting and I should not go into the water either.... so much to my plans.... I hate pain. I am bad with pain, I am a..... weak and it is not fun to realise our own weakness, our own fragility and vanity... I love all those wisdom scriptures, from proverbs and psalms and Ecclesiastes, where it speaks about vanity of vanity and  to count our days and use them wisely and how men are like grass, here today and gone tomorrow... but somehow they are much nicer to read when I feel well! Our time here on earth is limited. And it is important what we do with it. It is good to consider that we are mortal "te morituri te salutant" and yes, it is a good thing to question yourself what you would like to be said about you at your funeral. These are good thoughts and they are heavy and in our normal busy day to day we do not consider them in depth.  It is easy to have faith when it's not really needed. But what faith is left when you lay helpless in a dirty little emergency room with a big unfriendly surgeon torturing you??? 

I would love to be able how the peace of God that is over all understanding wrapped me in in that moment and I shared the love with everybody.... but the truth is that I could only feel pain and my prayer was: "Jesus, Jesus" Only in the moments that we are really weak and needy we see the truth of our faith.

I have to be honest, I am not impressed with my faith these days. I want to trust God, but inside of me there is still fear and I wish, His love would cast it all out. I want to be sooo hidden in Christ that fear has no chance finding me anymore. Lord I do not like to suffer, but I know that through your suffering we are saved and that you use suffering to make faith a reality inside of us. Father help us to see you through the pain and the suffering, on the good days and the bad days and change us more and more into the likeness of your sun. The word "passion" come from the latin word "passir" which means "suffering" true passion (not excitement) is born in the place of suffering and only passion or pain is the way to a heart that truly burns deep for the Lord. Let our hearts burn for you, more and more !!!